An Open Letter to Pigs (And Other Picky Eaters)

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photo by David Merrett

Dear Pigs,

By the way, may I call you that? Pigs? It’s meant with the utmost respect, and after all, it is your name. Believe me, pig. I’ve never used your name in vain when referring to perverts or sleazeballs. I don’t know who started that. Uncool. Nor have I ever said, “Go clean up, you filthy pig!” to either of my kids or my husband. Even that time when they were so foul I wouldn’t let them in the house without hosing off in the backyard first. I’ve read that elephants and rhinos are much dirtier than pigs, but the dirtiest of all, obviously, is the dung beetle. Just so you know, whenever possible I do correct people by saying, “Go clean up, you filthy dung beetle!”

Okay, that’s not why I’m writing you. I need to talk to you about the state of pigs. Read more on the Huffington Post:

Rate Yourself As A Mom On A Scale of 1 To 10

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photo by Alio Viera

The other night at dinner, I sat at the kitchen table with my teenage daughter. Some nights, “family dinner” means just us two. I’ve been getting used to making dinners that are easy to scoop out and reheat in a flash. Teenagers are here one minute, gone the next. And I’m just referring to the dinner hour.

My daughter has always loved to ask the hypothetical questions. The “what-ifs” and the “what would you dos.” And as philosophical as they may be, she likes her hypotheticals quantifiable. She likes answers that are in percentages, or on her famous “scale of 1 to 10.”

Between forkfuls of asparagus risotto, she asked, “What if someone asked you to rate yourself as a mother? What would you say, on a scale of 1 to 10?” read more

 

Bad Book Reviews: One Author’s Reaction

faces in the crowd

It is widely known that if you’re fortunate enough to have written and published a book and lucky enough to have people talk about it, comments will run the gamut from good to bad, with many shades of mediocre in between. I say lucky enough to have people talk about it because that’s the point, isn’t it? One of them. In the most basic terms, provoking a reaction is one of an artist’s motivations. And let’s face it; these days if there’s a reaction to anything, God knows, it’s not a private one. We are, as a generation, more public than public was ever meant to be—about everything. So knowing all this up front, as an author, is it possible to prepare yourself for polar reactions?

Yes, I believe you can. However just because you are prepared for this, it doesn’t protect you from feeling unsettled when the bad ones appear like storm clouds over your beach blanket. All the preparation in the world will not shield your ego or arm your teetering self-esteem. What’s worse is if you’re like me, continue reading

How to Write, How to Blog or How to Craft: An Easy Tutorial

Have you ever wanted to try your hand at writing, but didn’t know where to begin? How about blogging? Or crafting? Well, it’s all here in one super easy tutorial. Check out my newest post on the HuffPo:

Easy Tutorial: How to Write, or How to Make Paper Snowball Garlands

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photo by Turinboy

(Read now and receive two Bonus Features: How to Craft and How to Blog)

There are two easy steps to learn how to write. Simply put, one needs to: arrange a selection of words into a particular order. More to the point: select words and arrange them. Or, as I like to refer to it: S & A.

That’s it!

The most difficult thing about writing is knowing which words to select and what order to put them in. Once you’ve mastered that, writing can be quite rewarding and sometimes even enjoyable. continue reading