Donald Trump to CNN and FOX: You’re Fired!


photo by Gage Skidmore

Sources close to the presidential candidate claim that Trump’s problem with CNN and FOX is “they’re morons.” In an effort to be represented in the most honest and fair light, it is reported that Trump has just bought his own network: Trump That Media.

Donald Trump blames his slide in the polls on the “clowns” at the networks who are “not telling the truth. They’re a bunch of losers. I don’t want to use the word liars, but if it wasn’t for those liars, I wouldn’t have to buy my own network.” read more

An Open Letter to Pigs (And Other Picky Eaters)


photo by David Merrett

Dear Pigs,

By the way, may I call you that? Pigs? It’s meant with the utmost respect, and after all, it is your name. Believe me, pig. I’ve never used your name in vain when referring to perverts or sleazeballs. I don’t know who started that. Uncool. Nor have I ever said, “Go clean up, you filthy pig!” to either of my kids or my husband. Even that time when they were so foul I wouldn’t let them in the house without hosing off in the backyard first. I’ve read that elephants and rhinos are much dirtier than pigs, but the dirtiest of all, obviously, is the dung beetle. Just so you know, whenever possible I do correct people by saying, “Go clean up, you filthy dung beetle!”

Okay, that’s not why I’m writing you. I need to talk to you about the state of pigs. Read more on the Huffington Post:

Rate Yourself As A Mom On A Scale of 1 To 10


photo by Alio Viera

The other night at dinner, I sat at the kitchen table with my teenage daughter. Some nights, “family dinner” means just us two. I’ve been getting used to making dinners that are easy to scoop out and reheat in a flash. Teenagers are here one minute, gone the next. And I’m just referring to the dinner hour.

My daughter has always loved to ask the hypothetical questions. The “what-ifs” and the “what would you dos.” And as philosophical as they may be, she likes her hypotheticals quantifiable. She likes answers that are in percentages, or on her famous “scale of 1 to 10.”

Between forkfuls of asparagus risotto, she asked, “What if someone asked you to rate yourself as a mother? What would you say, on a scale of 1 to 10?” read more


Bad Book Reviews: One Author’s Reaction

faces in the crowd

It is widely known that if you’re fortunate enough to have written and published a book and lucky enough to have people talk about it, comments will run the gamut from good to bad, with many shades of mediocre in between. I say lucky enough to have people talk about it because that’s the point, isn’t it? One of them. In the most basic terms, provoking a reaction is one of an artist’s motivations. And let’s face it; these days if there’s a reaction to anything, God knows, it’s not a private one. We are, as a generation, more public than public was ever meant to be—about everything. So knowing all this up front, as an author, is it possible to prepare yourself for polar reactions?

Yes, I believe you can. However just because you are prepared for this, it doesn’t protect you from feeling unsettled when the bad ones appear like storm clouds over your beach blanket. All the preparation in the world will not shield your ego or arm your teetering self-esteem. What’s worse is if you’re like me, continue reading